"...It was then that I realized that I needed to step into the next journey of my life, which would be mentoring the boy child and passing on life lessons that the absent father could not. I then received international training as a life coach, with the focus on grooming young boys."
Uncle Zwide.
The story of
Uncle Zwide.
I was raised by a single woman, my parents got divorced in 2002, it was just a formality because the man was long gone by then. As a child I would ask her to call my father and she would get on the landline, dial his number then give me the phone. I would get so excited to hear his voice on the phone, I can’t describe the excitement really and we would actually make plans that he would pick me up Saturday morning at 8:00am. Saturday morning would come and I would wake up so early in the morning like I was going to school and take a bath, pack my bag and when the time we agreed upon came I would take my bag and go stand by the gate.
I would see my friends going to buy bread and they would ask where I’m going and I would tell them with excitement “Ngisayo vakashela I tayima magents (I’m going to visit my father)” An hour would go by; the day would keep getting older and my mother would just come bring me food at the gate. Mom would suggest we call him and we would go into the house and call but he would not answer and I would tell my mom “He is not answering because he is on his way” and go back gate. I would watch the sun die as evening approached, the moon would come up to mourn its death and my mom would come fetch me at the gate because it was dark. I would cry through the night.
The following day I would tell my friends who would ask why I’m still here and I would defend him like “magents I tayima limoshekelwe yi moto manje sengivaya next week (his car broke down; I shall go next week)”. The same thing would continue happening throughout my childhood. One day I decided to show up at his house unannounced and he was so shocked, instead of inviting me in, he closed the door quickly then drove me home. He then told me I cannot show up unannounced at his house because he has a wife. Got home and I told my mom what happened and went to bed. I think I did not eat for a few days. I could see her try to cheer me up.
So, one day we bumped into him in the presence of his wife and my mother confronted him. I don’t really recall much of the argument but I remember he said ” kids grow up without fathers, there is nothing special about your kids and even if they became street kids I could care less”. I grabbed my mom and told her let’s go.
At this point I was supposed to be broken but I was not. I knew at this point that I was done with this man. When we got home, I gave my mom her pie and soft drink. I remember dancing in front of her to try to cheer her up.
You see, from that day onwards; I never bothered my mother about the guy anymore. I would bump into him at my grandmothers’ house and just walk past, he would offer to take me home and with a smile I would tell him “No thanks “.
In my adult life his brothers have tried to actually mediate a meeting between us and he never showed up because he knew I remember it all. In fact, he told them there is no point because all I’m going to do is tell a lie. It took a while for his family to realize that this guy has actually been lying to them over the years and I now have a great relationship with his side of the family.
What my mother actually did by allowing all this is build my character and take away power from the man and I’m grateful for that. I’m a strong black man who can withstand any situation and I have great respect for women. I don’t have anger issues, I don’t try to fit in anywhere, I’m not searching for love or attention anywhere. I promised my mom I will not make anyone’s daughter a single mother and I have kept my promise so far.
My name is Thulani Mkhatshwa, I’m a book author, storyteller, life coach, songwriter & composer, and sound engineer.
After completing my matric, I went on to pursue a qualification in sound engineering. I spent the past years of my life working as a sound engineer from music distribution companies, digital Audio, sound design and broadcast.
An event once took place in front of me, where I witnessed a young man confront his absent father in a very aggressive manner. It was then that I realized that I needed to step into the next journey of my life, which would be mentoring the boy child and passing on life lessons that the absent father could not. I then received international training as a life coach, with the focus on
